Stop asking for the third thing

“Stop asking for the third thing. What’s the third thing? You’ve done something good, and someone benefited from it. The third thing is the recognition, the parade, the appreciation, the credit, the payback.” |
–Ryan Holiday, in this podcast

This quote struck me a few weeks ago. It wasn’t until I heard Ryan Holiday say it so plainly that I realized I’m always looking for the third thing. 

I grew up the youngest of three brothers. As a byproduct of my constant drive to keep up with them, I developed a craving for their recognition, their appreciation, their respect. It seems that a complex develops in the mind of any youngest child to be noticed by their older siblings. Sometimes I find this complex wiggles its way into my work in counterproductive ways. 

Growing up in a house of principles and morals, my parents often talked about “doing the right thing.” This expressed itself in different ways—some religious, some humanitarian, some social. My dad would often tell us to think, “I am the one who must do the right thing.” It didn’t matter what anyone else was doing, it mattered what we were doing, and whether it was right. 

Looking back, it may be that these two things combined to have me always looking for “the third thing.” My personal mission as a producer has been to create healthy work environments for my crews. My mission as an author is to educate, encourage, and empower creative people. I do good things that help people, but then I sabotage the entire experience by hoping for the third thing. I poison my own enjoyment by looking for the third thing. I unintentionally add caveats and reservations for other people’s experiences. I think, deep down, I’m hoping all my actions will get me noticed and appreciated. 

I want to stop looking for the third thing. By doing good things that help people, everything else will fall into place. Of course, I’ll need to make a living along the way, but I’m not worried about that. I just want to do good things that help people.