Motivation from regret
When I was a kid, I always wondered how my parents could justify going to sleep before midnight on New Year’s Eve. “Are you guys kidding me? It’s NEW YEAR’S EVE!”
Now, I think I get it.
This January is a different kind of January for me compared to all the other Januarys in my life. My birthday is at the very end of the year, so January is always full of reflection. I reflect on the year that passed and I think about getting older, all at the same time.
At the end of every year as a teenager, I looked back with some regret. Regret for the people I wished I asked out, but didn’t. More regret for the fact that I had not yet become Justin Bieber.
At the end of every year in my twenties, I looked back with more regret. I regretted the things I didn’t accomplish. I regretted the projects that didn’t come to life, and the lack of progress in my career.
Now, having completed the first year of my thirties, I am not looking back with regret.
For the first time in my life, I’m really proud of the year I had last year. I ran my first marathon. I published my first book. I posted 365 times on Instagram. I enjoyed my hobbies. I grew my business.
You’d think I’d feel great about this fact, but instead, it’s jarring. Every January before this one, regret gave me an extreme motivation boost. I used my regrets to fuel inspiration and motivation. They helped me set my goals, and gave me a spiteful drive to get them done. This January, on the other hand, I feel a little bored. I’m not inspired to make a great change in my life—I just want to keep doing my thing.
This helps me understand why my parents had no problem calling it a night at 10pm on New Year’s Eve. My parents found “their thing.” They knew what they liked, they knew what they were working on, and they didn’t need to upend their whole life to remedy their regrets from the previous year.
I finally feel like I’ve found my thing. Now, I want to keep on going.
P.S. For the record, I still stayed up until midnight on New Year’s Eve.
